Open letter

My sons,

You probably wonder why I am choosing to go to school when you, who are required to go, would rather not. You probably shake your heads in bewilderment when I scramble to finish assignments and worry over grades, knowing that I have chosen this stress called Higher Education, that I don’t have to do it, so why do I? Why do I take away attention that used to belong totally to the two of you, and put it on things like History, Psychology, and English? Why do I have to spend so much time with my nose in books while I used to spend it building Lego mansions or creating crayon masterpieces or snuggling with you? Why now, since I seem to have been fine without college for all of your lives, do I choose to return to school now?

When I was about your age, Nathan – around back when I was ten – my mother went to college. She had been waiting tables at a dinner theater, bringing drinks to people there to be entertained and to get drunk. On a providentially pivotal night, she discovered that the most important mentor of her youth – her high school band director – was seated at one of her tables. He was as surprised to see her as she was to see him! He said to her, “Lee, what are you doing here?” It wasn’t a query of pleasant surprise, although he was happy to see her. Rather, it was an expression of disappointment, for she had been one of his most promising students, the first chair flautist in one of Texas’ best high school bands. He was basically asking her, “Why are you settling for this when you could have everything you’ve always wanted in life?”

The question struck her in her center, and she began asking herself, “What am I doing here?” The next semester, she was studying music at Eastfield Community College in Dallas.

Your Nana Lee worked most of my childhood. She sold real estate and she worked as a secretary, but she mostly worked as a cocktail waitress, because the money was better. Neither she nor my dad finished college. They were passionate about me and your aunt, and about music, but because they had to work most of the time to support our family, they couldn’t spend much time with any of us. It’s easy to get stuck in that pattern – do something you don’t love to make money for the kids you do love, which takes time away from the kids, but you don’t have enough education to make money doing what you love, so you keep on doing something you don’t love…

It wasn’t easy, but finishing college changed her life completely; Nana Lee no longer settles for something less than what she wants. She earned her degree shortly after I had already left my college education hanging high and dry. Sure, I started – studying music no less! But life’s road can be full of twists and turns that are easy to miss if you’re not careful. I let a few of those turns throw me off for about 15 years.

I don’t regret any decision I made, because around all the turns I found you. I met Daddy and came into the strongest love I have ever known: one that grows stronger steadily by the day, and one that produced two amazing boys. When Daddy and I met, we were both in university limbo. After a wild 14-year ride of courtship and marriage, we are both just now getting back to our educations. Unfortunately, you two seem to bear the biggest brunt of our procrastination. Because our time is filled with more than just you and your care, you have to share the load of household chores. I can only imagine that’s not as bad as sharing your parents with the university.

Why am I doing this now? I refuse to settle for anything less than best. I realized shortly after you were born that Nana Lee wasn’t just settling for second-best for her life, but also for my sister’s and mine; that was what she endeavored to correct by going back to school. You two deserve the best, and your children will deserve the best. If I can give you anything (besides my good teeth and charming disposition) I pray I can give you this wisdom: Never settle! Finish your education before you set off on your own road in life, so that the trip will be smoother, so that your families will not have to settle for less of you in their lives. Learn to do what you love for a living so that you won’t be picked dry by a boring job. That is the best way to ensure that there will be more of you to share with them.

Live well, my sons! I love you both.

- written in the fall of 2005 -