Coping

That's something I'm not doing too well, at least not today.

In my first post I discoursed about the growing demographic known as non-traditional students. My mom, who went back to college when I was a kid, told me that there wasn't even a name for it when she did it. Since so many of my generation have discovered that you can never stop learning (for some reason or another) we've named ourselves.

I know that there are others out there doing what I'm doing. I know they're carrying full-time class loads while parenting and spousing and home-owning and all the other things that go on in their lives. What I don't know is, do they all feel like they're losing their f***ing minds like I do??

I'd really love to know...

I took my organic chemistry midterm this past week. I haven't seen my grade yet; in fact I'm frightened to. It occurred to me on my way in to take the test, careening on the edge of panic and sleep deprivation, that it might be a blessing to fail the test and the class, because I understand so little about this foundational subject that I don't think I could go on in chemistry from here after this semester. I have heard how hellacious this class is, I just didn't really believe anyone who said that. I had no real standard to compare it to. I thought, well general chem was difficult at first, but I got through both semesters of it with an A -- surely o-chem is manageable!

*whimper!*

This class has removed my liver in an unceremonious manner by way of my throat, without anesthetic. And I'm only halfway through it. I'm expected to continue on, sans liver, and leave the class after the final with a smile, as if I learned something. (Besides how to live without a major organ, that is.)

I tend to think it's not just organic chemistry, though. It's that, on top of all the things that come with life past the traditional student age bracket. But when I look around (on my whiny days, wondering if I'll make it) at other mature students -- grad students, or even those pursuing doctorates while working full time in their career (which, undoubtedly, is a much more stringent regimen) -- I'm the only one I see complaining. Of course, this only reinforces my self doubt.

If there are any other mothers-or-fathers/full time students who happen to be reading along and want to chime in, please do, and save this poor girl from what has become a 24/7 self-deprecating pity party, please?!

(Okay, end of the painfully-insane drivel I'm calling a post)