... and I'm okay with that

In the minds of many observers, the typical science student is very serious, very singular in focus, and very boring. I know this because I've been that observer. I've seen the girls that are too busy studying to fix their hair and makeup. I've overheard the passionate discussions about the lab experiments being conducted that week while I stifled a yawn. I've giggled inside when I see a science geek's eyes light up when discussing the mathematics of DNA sequencing. Yep, science students, whether it's because they think in different stratospheres than the rest of us, have impressed me and many others I've talked with, as being pretty dull. And I've maintained this stereotype, even after becoming a science student myself.

Weird, I know.

And I have, for most of my life, harbored one single fear, one concern that can send me shrieking into the back closet locking the door behind me -- that I would become boring. *gasp!* I think this hangup against monotony is the culprit behind my ever-changing hair color, my many and diverse interests and pursuits, and probably my _________ I dunno, you fill in the blank. Whatever strangeness that can be seen in me, blame it on my boycott on boredom!

I have, subconsciously or otherwise, carried this dread of becoming uninspiring into my degree path. Since I've re-entered university, and since I've declared my intent to continue on to medical school, I have taken three dance classes (modern, ballet, and contact improvisation), a science-fiction literature class, and have entertained the thought of voice lessons as well as ashtanga yoga. The only thing that has kept me out of art classes is the time commitment; I could never find a way to squeeze a 4-hour life drawing class into my schedule (darn it!)

This semester, along with 12 hours of math and science classes, I registered for Arabic Cultures. My thinking? My ultimate goal in this life of doctoring is to do medical missions, and specifically, missions to Arab countries such as Egypt and Sudan. So when I saw the class offering I jumped on it, figuring I'd need to know a little something about how to conduct myself within these cultures when the time comes.

On the first day, members of the class were asked to introduce ourselves with our name, major, and why we were taking the class. I carefully constructed my introduction in my mind as my turn approached (as I'm sure everyone does, right?!) The professor was taken aback, expressing surprise that a biology student would be remotely interested in anything other than microscopes and biospheres.

Stereotype confirmed. *sigh*

As the semester started rolling, however, I found myself giving too much time to this class, which stole time from organic chemistry and calculus. The stress started adding up more and more as the weekends ticked by with busy family schedules -- birthday party for the boys, homework for the boys, shopping for the boys, church activities, and a girls' night which I had on the calendar for months (not to mention an ever-pressing urge to blog!) And for some reason, my husband still wants dinner and clean laundry, and an occasional snuggle. I know, can you believe it?! I didn't have near enough time to commit to the books, and the lectures were whizzing past, leaving me dizzy. I wound up Sunday night with my head in my hands, tears streaming down my face, wondering what on earth was I doing?!

From some other place, somewhere far removed from me, from deep recesses of some ancient well, I heard my voice shouting, "God, you gave me this dream and goal, but why?! If you want me to do this, you need to show me how!!" Okay, so it wasn't that dramatic, but it was a desperate prayer -- and one answered right away with an overwhelming sense of peace as the solution made itself apparent.

I dropped Arabic Cultures Monday morning. I explained to my professor that I knew now why so many science students seem uninterested in anything but science -- because there's no time for anything but science when science is your major.

The same day, I officially declared Biology as my major, with a minor in Chemistry. By filling out one single, simple form, I embraced the uni-dimensionality (is that even a word?!), the singular focus of the science student. I officially became boring.

And I'm okay with that.

Here's the thing. Despite my natural interests in the arts and literature, and my lifelong avoidance of math and science, I am finding I have a good aptitude for the coursework in my major. Still, at times it can be a slog. I don't have a burning fascination for the subject matter of the medical prerequisites; sure, I'm interested, but I can rarely go as far as to say it intrigues me. I don't lie awake puzzling over cell meiosis and why vertebrates evolved the mechanisms of sexual reproduction. I don't dream about ways to bend protein sequences just so, in order to achieve a desired outcome. I don't wake up and bounce out of bed, eager to titrate acid solutions and calculate the derivative of tangent.

I do lie awake some nights, though, wide-eyed and dreamy as Wes and I discuss the future's possibilities. I visualize myself scrubbing in for surgery. I thrill at the thought of setting bones in Africa and playing with the children of patients in far-flung impoverished countries. I cherish the thought of hugging a grateful patient and praying for those in need in real time. I dream of working with my husband to bring proper healthcare to the people in whatever corner of the earth God leads us.

Organismal biology and genetics and organic chemistry and physics (and a list too extensive and tedious to lay out here) are the steps that will take me to those smiling faces, equipped with things that can help them live longer, fuller lives. So that they, in turn, can impact their world in a way they couldn't without the medical help and the loving touch that I will one day give them.

Maybe I am boring -- but maybe not; I still have word-creating powers!! (Recall, if you will, uni-dimensionality? What'd I tell ya, I'm a supergenius!)

But for a season, I am a Biology Major and Chemistry Minor. This is what I do, and not much more.

... and I'm okay with that.