Hadron, Schmadron!

...I say thumbing my nose and stifling a yawn (trying to hide my intellectual shame).

Two nights ago I first heard about the new superconductor circling underneath France and Switzerland. I was finally in my pajamas after a l-o-o-o-n-g day, ready to veg with a glass of wine and the last half of a CSI rerun, totally minding my own decompressing business when Wes walks in and casually announces:

"So they've built a new superconductor and plan on testing it this week. Some people think it's going to create a million tiny black holes through which the planet will be sucked up and destroyed."

Normally, I'd banter with, "Really? So, who exactly is 'they'? Our swinging neighbors? I wondered what all that racket was this weekend, but I assumed it was just one of their legendary parties." And then segue into some asinine conversation about swingers and black holes, which Wes would've thoroughly enjoyed.

That's what I'd normally do. This night, as shot as all my nerve endings and synapses were, I responded with, "Huh."

Announcement forgotten.

Until last night, when Wes felt the need to educate me on the Hadron supercollider. He calls me into the office -- again, finally in pajamas, kids finally tucked in for the night, just as I was heading to the kitch for (yep, you guessed it) a glass of wine -- with a tantalizing note of excitement in his voice. You know the note, a bit flirty, a bit intriguing, the excitement edging its tones with something that says, "I know something that's gonna interest you, and you HAVE to come here!"

So I went to the office, all a-quiver with anticipation of this fascinating tidbit that I'm sure he had for me, only to find a cued-up YouTube video (view it here if you dare: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3iryBLZCOQ ) -- it's this ridiculous rap-styled tutorial, way too long and repetitive to remain interesting, about the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). It's one of those pop-culture knock-off attempts to convince science dummies and kids exactly how hip science really is. It's like Bill Nye, only worse. (I shouldn't say that; I actually like Bill Nye. I had a crush on him when I was a kid -- or was that when my kids were little? Hmmm, can't remember...)

So finally when the bad rap is over, I had to ask with a sigh, "Where on earth did you find that?" He answers. Then I had to ask (while stifling a yawn), "Why on earth did you want me to see that?"

He answers by explaining the concept to me. About 2/3 of the way through his lecture, he finally catches on that I'm not very interested -- I think it was when my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I slumped over onto the ground where I immediately began snoring.

I finally commented, "I don't think it'll destroy the world, and I don't really have an intellectual or spiritual problem with it -- I don't think this is heresy or blasphemy or the Tower of Babel, necessarily. What I do think it is, is an astronomical waste of money, time, and effort."

Maybe I'm wrong. But I just don't see what good it will do for humanity to know exactly what happened to all the antimatter (which, by the way, if "they" don't know where it went, nor has it ever been seen, how do "they" know it ever existed in the first place?) or to find the ever-evasive Higgs proton that's supposed to be the central component of nuclear physics (or something) that nobody has ever actually seen.

Unbelievable. It's unfathomable to think that so many people get excited enough about this to spend their life pursuing it, and billions and billions of dollars that could be used to -- I don't know, provide clean drinking water and peace for millions in underprivileged countries that we in the "progressive western world" have pillaged for their resources for centuries??

But maybe -- just maybe -- as one who is studying chemistry for a minor, who will be taking physics in the next several months, maybe I should be interested. Maybe I should be intrigued and entertained by geeks in hard hats and labcoats lipsynching rap lyrics and saying, "yo, yo, that's how we do it in the LHC, b*tch!"

*yawn*